A fist has hit your face. A strong hand has gripped your arm hard. Spit has flown from lips as they spewed forth words cursing you. And you took it day after day, year after year. Now your body is sick and growing older. The energy it took to be a crouching tiger from this hidden dragon is needed for other things. Except this is all you know. Or all that you've known for most of your adult life.
"God called me to this place. I am trusting Him." That is what you said to me when I asked about all of this. You explained it with such simplicity. Like, this was your lot in life. Your destiny of lumps that you would just have to take.
Like you had been taking for all this time.
When I explained that I worried about this and said I didn't believe love should hurt like this, your eyes filled with tears. When I told you that I knew it was complicated but we wanted to protect you, they fell. Onto your cheeks and in splashes on your blue hospital-issue gown.
We sat in silence for a bit. Then you squeezed my hand tight and said, "I'll be okay. I've made it this far. I will be okay. God's got me." You smiled. And when you did I saw your cheek quivering. But you nodded hard and sure. So brave and full of fight. You meant those words.
You did.
"No." That's all I said. Then I closed my hand tight over yours, shook my head and clamped down hard. "No."
And you understood what I meant. That this idea of you fighting this old fight and this new fight at the same time was not going to happen. Even if it was super complex and lumpy and scary. We can't unhear it. I can't unknow it.
I can't.
I gave you a hug before walking out of your room. And you hugged me right back. You sure did.
I didn't say anything more after that. But I hope that hug conveyed what was on my heart.
I recognize that you are scared and respect that you believe that God has called you to this place. But I need you to remember something, okay? Just maybe He called me to this place, too.
I will do my best to fight with you. I will.
Yeah.
***
Happy Monday.
Why would anyone believe in a god who would want or allow someone to be beaten, cursed at, mistreated so cruelly for all of those years? I will never understand this.
ReplyDeleteDamn.
I hope with all of my heart that this lady opened her heart to your intervention. Divine or human, she needs help. And you're right- it's not going to be easy. It's complicated as hell.
I thought of you when she said that Sister Moon. I’m so thankful that she has been receptive of our support and with the help of family, is safe. It is complicated but family has helped make it a little less so, thank goodness. ❤️
DeleteSometimes God gets the blame for things that aren't true! Hope she is delivered to see this is not her lot in life. LN
DeleteI have kind of the opposite view of this woman. I believe that all kinds of bad things happen and it's god who can help us get out of a bad place, not give us the strength to stay.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she's getting help.