Mostly beautiful.

Mama I just want you to know 
Lovin' you is like food to my soul 

~ Boys II Men

_________________________________________________________

You do know that I know right? I mean, you do realize that I could feel you thinking of her and wondering how this day was, don't you? Like in between the hugs and joy of your own, I could feel your fleeting thoughts about how a day like this plays out for a mother who has lost her child.

I know.

And since I know that you were thinking and praying and wondering and hoping, I want to first say thank you for that. Then I want you to know that the day was mostly beautiful. I can't call it "perfect" because, although the weather here was just that, there will never be a Mother's Day that we describe with that word as long as Deanna isn't here with us physically. But we can call it things like "wonderful" and "loving" and "genuine." And all of those are mostly beautiful adjectives if you ask me.

We all loved on Shug. We sure did. JoLai had flown in from L.A. and we all surrounded her with so much love that she couldn't help but to feel it. And yes, we did that in the literal sense, but I know for certain that many of you surrounded her, too.

And those grandkids. Oh, those grandkids! They knew what to do. They did. And they did it. They sure did. Better than any of us could.

At one point, Mom asked us to take a photograph on the porch. "Me and my kids," she said. And up until then, it had all been mostly beautiful. Everyone was mostly laughing and joking and drinking mimosas. That is, the adults were. I admit that when Shug made that request, it didn't fully register for me until we went into the house trying to grab Will to step out on the porch to join us.

First, he kind of waved his hand as if he was't in the mood for more photographs. And, like Shug does when it comes to her family photo ops, she wasn't taking no for an answer. "Get him out here," she said. And at that point, it was mostly playful. And things were still mostly beautiful.

Will came to the door and the moment I saw his eyes I knew. I knew it was too much, too soon for him. And, in case I needed confirmation, he whispered it to JoLai and me.

"I'm just not ready to do this without Deanna. I'm not."

And I looked at Mom and said, "Hey, let's do it later, okay?" But she just looked at me and didn't say anything. Then, before anyone could say or do anything else, Will reemerged out of the front door. He had changed shirts and simply said, "If this is what Mommy wants, I can do it."

Right after that, JoLai stepped closer and I wrapped my arms around him and told him, "You don't have to do this right now. We understand." JoLai nodded in agreement. And that? That did it. He dropped his head onto my shoulder and just wept and wept. And JoLai encircled her arms around him, too, and we all had a good, hard sibling cry together. Towards the end of it, Shug joined into our hug and all of us just stood there on that porch holding onto each other as tightly as we could.

And you know? It was mostly beautiful. It was.

So yeah. We surrounded Shug and each other with love today. We did. We broke bread and talked and laughed and even fell asleep on sectionals as a family.

We jumped in the air and played Wii with cousins and rolled on grass and watched our favorite funny clips from Saturday Night Live that we all had seen before but never together.

And you know?

Since I know you were wondering. . . .

. . . .and thinking of us and hoping we were okay. . . . I just wanted you to know. . .

. . .it was mostly beautiful. It was. 

***
Happy Mother's Day.

Now playing for my mama and all of the mamas out there. . . .



and our LOL favorite SNL bit. . . "Stefon". . .absolutely hilarious.