Top Ten: Friday Afternoon Hair Salon Shenanigans

Well. Happy Saturday, good people. It's a beautiful morning here in Atlanta. And guess what? I got my hair done yesterday and man, oh man was the beauty shop hopping. Good times, I tell you. All of the girlfriends seemed to be there and the topics were all over the place.

Matter of fact, I wrote a little top ten about it. Like to hear it? Here it go!

This morning I proudly bring you:

THE TOP TEN DISCUSSIONS PARTICIPATED IN OR OVERHEARD IN THE HAIR SALON YESTERDAY.

#10   Halle Berry is Pregnant.

 

Client in chair:   "Girrrrrrl, Halle Berry is pregnant!"

Me: "Really?"

Client in chair:  "Yup. I just saw it on a tweet from TMZ." 

Client getting weave:  "Damn. Halle's ass will find her a fine looking dude to get knocked up by, won't she?"

All:  exaggerated head nods

Stylist:  "I thought he got beat up?"

Me:  "Who?"

Stylist: "That dude she's with now. Didn't her first baby-daddy beat him up?"

Client under dryer:  "Uh uh. I think he beat up the baby-daddy." 

Client in chair: "Yeah, girl. He jacked that dude up." Pulls up picture on Google images.

All:  "Daaaaaamn."

Client getting weave:  "Either way, what's that got to do with her being pregnant by him?"

Stylist:  "He could've gotten kicked in his junk which would make him NOT THE FATHER!!!"

*laughter*

#9   --   Kim Kardashian is pregnant.

Stylist:  "What about your girl, Kim Kardashian and her pregnancy?"

Client in chair:  "What the what! Why she got to wear all those tight clothes? She look like a pack of biscuits, don't she?"

*laughter*

Client in chair:  "If I was her, I wouldn't even bring a spoon anywhere near my mouth. 'Cause you know what happen when you put a spoon next to a pack of biscuits."

All:  "POOF!"

*laughter*

#8  --   Rutgers basketball.

Client under dryer:  "That dude from Rutgers resigned."

Client just hanging out:  "The basketball coach?"

Client under dryer:  "I think so."

Stylist:  "No, he got fired. I think it was their athletic director that resigned."

Client just hanging out:  "Was this the guy who said the womens' basketball team had nappy hair?"

All:  "NOOO!"

*laughter*

Stylist:  "No, this is the coach who was throwing basketballs at players and got caught on tape wilding out on everybody."

Client just hanging out:  "Oh, my bad. But didn't somebody say something about nappy hair with the Rutgers womens' hoop squad?"

Me:  "Ha ha ha, yeah I think that was Rutgers. But that was that radio guy, Don Imus. He's back on the radio, too."

Client under dryer:  "Maaaaan, real talk? When I used to play basketball in high school, my hair was NAP-PY."

*laughter*

Stylist:  "Yeah, but I don't think you wanted anybody saying so on the radio."

Me:  "Let's not forget that he said 'nappy-headed hoes.' Not just nappy-headed."

Client under dryer:  "Whaaaat? Aaww hells no. "

Me: "Yup."

Client under dryer:  "He went too far. I needed my hair done back then but I definitely wasn't a ho."

*laughter*



(Just rewatched this Don Imus clip and realized how not funny it was, though. Sheeesh.)


 #7  -- Cravings

Client under dryer:  "Is the peach cobbler dude coming over here today?"

Stylist:  "He hasn't been by here in a while."

Client under dryer:  "What about the sandwich dude?"

Stylist:  "Not sure."

Client under dryer:  "Is the sushi spot open?"

Stylist:  "Not until five."

Client in chair:  "Damn, heifer. Are you pregnant?"

*laughter*


#6  --  Justi-fied.

 Me:  (looking in People magazine) "Good heavens. I love me some Justin Timberlake."

Client in chair:  "Yeah, girl. I know I'm married but he could get it right here, right now in this chair."

Me:  "In that chair?"

Client in chair: "In this chair right here."

Me:  "Wow."

#5  --  Follow up.

Client just hanging out:  "Hey, Kim! What's up with your ankle?"

Me:  "Mostly better, but still kind of 'flicted. But they did x-ray me today and it showed that my stress fracture is healing."

Client just hanging out:  "Awww damn. So you still can't run yet?"

Me:  "They said about two more weeks."

Client just hanging out:  "Damn."

Client under dryer:  "Oh well. At least your hair will look good."

Me:  "True."

*finger snaps all over salon*


#4  --  Easter Passover

Me:  "How was everybody's Easter?"

All:  "Good."

Client:  "But I didn't go to church, though."

Me: "What? You always go to church! Why not?"

Client:  "Too many CME church-goers on that day."

Stylist:  "What's that?"

Client:  "Christmas, Mother's Day and Easter."


#3  Speaking of which. . .

Client just arriving:  "Hey y'all!"

All:  "Hey, girl!"

Client under dryer: (after lifting hood to give a hug)  "Girl, you look good! Did you lose weight?"

Me:  "Yeah, you look awesome!"

Client just arriving:  "Girl, I always look good after the lenten season. Those 40 days without treats get a sister foine." (foine = fine, fine = hot.)

Client under dryer:  "Dang. Let me know what I need to give up next year. I want to look like you."

Stylist:  "I kind of think that isn't the point of lent, but it could just be me."

*laughter*


#2  -- More Halle

Client under dryer:  "Isn't Halle Berry like 50? How is she pregnant?"

Stylist:  "She's actually 46."

Client under dryer:  "I wish somebody would come and tell me I was pregnant at 46."

Client getting weave:  "That's 'cause you already have kids and they're grown."

Client under dryer:  "I would be catatonic. Y'all would have to put me in a straight jacket."

Me:  "She's a young 46, though."

Client under dryer:  "She's 46."

Client getting a weave:  "One of my friends got pregnant at 44."

Client under dryer:  "She tripped!"

Client getting a weave:  "She was happy. She got married late."

Client just hanging out:  "I guess she could get her tubes tied and her hip replaced at the same time, though."

*laughter*

Me:  "That's cold."


Client under dryer:  "Bet her first baby-daddy is doing the Jerry Springer dance right about now!"

*laughter*



#1  -- Keeping it real.

Client under dryer:  "Kim, is this fattening what I'm eating? I'm starving."

Me:  "Uhhh? Kind of."

Client just hanging out:  "Kind of? B@#% please!  That's horrible what you're eating. Just know that your ass is getting bigger with every bite."

Client under dryer:  "Shut up! You ain't the doctor, hater! Kim, is it really that bad if the portion isn't so big?"

Me:  "Um. . .actually? Uhh, yeah. Pretty much."

Client hanging out:  "What, what?" (then does a Jerry Springer show move for emphasis

*more laughter*

And just think--that was only ten of the ten thousand things that got talked about yesterday. . .  ha ha ha ha. . . .Man. I love that place. So glad y'all could hang out there with me. What's up with y'all today?

***

Happy Saturday.