Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
from "Dream a Little Dream of Me"
Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me
Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
from "Dream a Little Dream of Me"
___________________________________
I dreamed this dream the other day that I saw her. She was standing there amongst a bunch of familiar faces and everyone was hugging her and interacting with her as if she'd simply been away on a long trip. Those faces were actually our sorority sisters and we were at some kind of mundane chapter event. Everyone was dressed in red, which was always her favorite thing to see. No one was hysterically crying or falling to their knees like you'd imagine someone who'd just witnessed a miracle. Everyone was just happy to see her.
But me? I was in complete shock.
Despite that, for whatever reason, in this dream I didn't run to her. I walked briskly, all the while bracing myself for it to not be her but instead her Doppelganger or to have her disappear into a plume of smoke the moment I reached out for her. But sure enough, that didn't happen. She just stood there smiling at me and looking really, really good. Her smile was bright and full and it immediately made me so happy I cried right then and there. That made her chuckle.
"Is it really you?" I asked her incredulously. I patted her face and rubbed her hair. "Is it you?!"
"Yes, Pookie! It's really me!" And when she called me "Pookie" I knew that it was her. It was Deanna. It was her.
"But. . . but. . .what are you. . .how are you . . . here?"
"I can't stay. I just wanted you to know that I'm okay." Her expression was genuine. She meant that. She really was okay.
"I miss you very, very much. Very, very, very much." My face crinkled with every "very" . . . like that of a disappointed pre-schooler being torn away from his mother on the first day of school. My shoulders began to shake and I struggled to catch my breath. It was overwhelming. I tried to find my words but they were lost.
"I miss you, too, sissy." Her voice was so soft. And she hugged me tight which told me that she meant it. It felt so good to feel her in three dimensions.
"See? That's what I worry about. I worry about you missing us, too."
But to that she just looked at me and smiled. It was so relaxed, so content, and just . . .ethereal. "It's so hard to explain," she finally said, "but one day you will understand. I'm well. I'm good, okay?"
She hugged me again and kissed me on the mouth just like she always did.
Then the alarm went off and I woke up.
I hit the snooze button and then just lay there with stinging eyes and a chest tight with emotion. Then I felt angst over all of the questions I wished I'd asked her. What do you think about this? Or what would you do about that? What do you want me to do about this? Or what do you want me to do in general? But that got to be so suffocating that I pressed my palms into my eyes until they stopped. A few moments later I opened my eyes to a quiet room lit by the early morning sun. A peaceful feeling washed over me and I just basked in it in those remaining minutes before that alarm went off again.
And it was good. It was really, really good.
Because I'm a person that believes that souls live on, I have agonized over that question. Does she miss us as much as we miss her? And if so, how is she coping with that in a new land with new things and new rules?
I have no idea what that dream meant. I don't. I don't know if it was just me and my imagination running away or something altogether different. It felt so real, though. Unlike other dreams. Tell me. . . . .have you had that kind of dream before? Honestly, I don't really think I had before last week.
So. . . yeah. I dreamed a little dream of her. And I'm not sure what that dream truly was but whatever it was? It made me feel happy. It did.
Thanks for listening, okay?
***
Happy day after Good Friday.
Now playing on my mental iPod. . . .I love this version by "The Mamas and Papas." So many great versions, but this is the one I'm hearing. What's your favorite?
We are always listening. Your loyal fans are here for you during the laughs, the crys, the joys and the pains and in the case of Deanna, all of the above. We love you.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness. What kind words. I like to think of us as "loyal friends" -- so thank you for always listening, friend. I love you, too.
DeleteI had a very similar dream about my brother after he was killed in Vietnam in 1971. He just came to tell me he was okay. I cry to this day when I think about it, but with the tears there is gratitude that he was in that dream.
ReplyDeleteJan, every time I recall the part where I told her that I miss her very, very, very much I cry. I just can't help it. It was so child like and unlike me the way I spoke to her. Almost confrontational, even. . . as if her leaving me was a choice like a job out of town or something like that. I know it wasn't but couldn't help it. I guess she is on another level now, so that's why she chuckled.
DeleteThat dream was a gift, wasn't it? I had one like that, the only dream I've had of my Dad, and he emanated the same feeling, of peace and acceptance, and I felt like both he and the dream were telling me something very important. I wouldn't mind another dream with him, but I'm greedy that way.
ReplyDeleteI believe like you do that our spirit, soul, energy, life force, whatever we call it, lives on. One of the laws of thermodynamics - matter can be neither created of destroyed, so my world view involves one where we all dissipate into the energy of the universe, from whence we came. We're never really gone, merely transformed, that's what I believe. And I believe my dream was as real as those things can be, because if it was just a dream, I would have never dreamed up the scenario that unfolded - my Dad, the only person in the world chattier than me, spoke not a word, but said everything with his eyes and his calm accepting gaze. His message to me was that he was in no pain, he was merely gone from this plane but not gone, and he wanted me to not be sad. Dang, this is making me cry to remember it, and maybe I'll have to dust off the draft post where I tried to explain what I dreamed and what it meant to me.
I'm glad for the comfort of these dreams and for the message of love and hope they beam out into our lives. I'm so glad you got to hug your sister. In my dream, it was the hug that made me weep like a baby, while my Dad smiled and patted my back. It gave me such comfort that he was not sad too.
xo
You know what, Mel? She wasn't sad. She wasn't at all. She looked totally content. That was such a relief.
DeleteI've only had one dream of her. I was at the beach, and she was smiling. She said, "I'm OK, Pookie." And I knew then that even if I'm not always OK, she is.
ReplyDeleteAaaaah. . . . what we would give to hear her say "Pookie" right? I love you, Mom.
DeleteMy father died suddenly, Father's Day weekend, my freshman year of college. We had only recently been able to appreciate each other and love each other again (parents separated & divorced when I was 7). I dreamed that he came and saw me after his death - to tell me that he loved me & he was proud of me, and to tell me to be patient with my mother, she wasn't right in her mind all of the time and she needed lots of patience, but she loved me as much as she could.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good word, Nora. I'm glad you got to hear those words and love that they were of redemption.
DeleteYes, my grandmother visited my dream in 2011 and gave me specific instructions relating to her younger sister and the health of that sister. I did not know what my grandmother was speaking about but a few weeks later I discovered that her sister did need the information my grandmother told me about in my dream.
ReplyDeleteWow. Deanna was my go-to person for things related to my boys and school. I try my best to channel her so I can get those marching orders I sometimes need.
Delete*a tight hug*
ReplyDelete~ Tara
Thank you, Tara. And warmest congratulations on your match!
DeleteShe hasn't come to me in a dream yet... but I do "dream" about scenes in our lives that already happened. Almost like I'm replaying a video... from childhood, college, homecoming... just sitting around Mom's table in Lilburn... whatever. That happens all the time.
ReplyDeleteI do feel her in this house a lot. I have a memory of her in every room of this house, so that's probably why. When I'm in the den I think about how we used to climb through the window when the add on was being built... and Deanna fell on that rusty nail. LOL. Seriously, I probably think about that once a week, easily. Or I'm sitting on the couch & I'll see us as kids wrestling on the floor in front of me. I see her in the backyard at my 40th birthday party... I see the 4 of us sitting around that little table in the kitchen eating dinner... When I walk into the front bedroom I laugh thinking about when William put that Prince poster on her bed. She's all over this house. She really is. I guess we all are.
I'm glad she came to you & that she's okay.
Love,
Yet Another Pookie... :-)
Thanks, Pookie. I love you!
DeleteI absolutely positively believe it was your sister coming to tell you that she was ok!! I can tell you a little story if you like...my first husband passed away some 18 years ago...I was fairly young(40) and I was devasted. Three weeks later I was running at the high school track...crying my eyes out. I came around the curve of the track...the heavens literally opened up...I HEARD angels singing...and my heart was just filled to the very brim with love. From that day forward I was so at peace and calm...I can remember it like it was yesterday!...every little bit about it. It never ever happened again for me but it was just what I needed....and that is how I know there is something after we leave this life...even though I am not religous.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story. Just. . . .wow.
DeleteWith God all things are possible. That would not the first time He used dreams to comfort someone. And you know she is okay and she is not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa.
DeleteI believe that we are all connected and that Love is divine and connects us in some nearly ineffable way. I imagine the unconscious to be pure and open, capable of receiving the ineffable. That's what I believe.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, and yes.
DeleteI personally believe that dreams like you described are a real visit from those that have died. I have heard of many people having visits from loved ones in their dreams and I have too. These aren't nightly things but instead are once a year or even less often that that. However you choose to interpret it I think the best part is that it gave you peace.
ReplyDeleteThat last sentence says it all. It gave me a lot of peace. And you all talking to me about it gives me even more. . .so thanks.
DeleteIt was she!
ReplyDeleteYou would know, Nicole's mama. You teach me so much about grace.
Deletehow wonderful that she came to let you know she's okay. i had such a dream after my dad died. we were all on a green hill dining at a long table outdoors on a perfect blue and yellow day. all the family. he was going away somewhere and we were all so proud of him and happy. he looked wonderful. it was such a comforting dream.
ReplyDeleteI can see that. I bet that green hill was somewhere on a beautiful island with those melodic West Indien accents all about you. Thank you for telling me of this, my friend.
DeleteHow marvelous that she checked in with you to say she's okay. I'm glad you were able to share that brief but powerful moment with Deanna.
ReplyDeleteMe, too, Stacy.
DeleteLet me begin by wishing you a Happy Easter. Ive just come out of a deep rest with this on my mind so forgive the typos and back and forth rambling. I often drop in to admire your content but felt compelled to respond today. Darlene mentioned this post to me and after learning of it, I had to read it for myself. I had a dream about Deanna as well and I've never met her. It was weird BUT we were at a party dancing, well hopping together with my boy Todd and some sorors as Atomic Dogg was playing. We were just having fun but no exchange of words. I've often wondered how A relationship with Deanna would be. Although the longing to see, hear and touch her is fresh on the minds and hearts of many, I feel drawn to this woman I've never met. I wish I could carry the burden of pain you guys have as it hurts me to see you guys go through it but i seek comfort in knowing that it is GODs will. I know I will meet her in due time. I will grow to love her more through the many stories to come im sure. I lost my mommy 25 years ago and daddy passed 15 years ago. I only have one brother. Saying goodbye is not easy. But the bigger challenge is moving forward and preparing yourself to be certain you see her again. I will pray for you and your family and hope you enjoy this Easter Sunday... Be well. - Joe
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this, Joe. I truly, truly do. Happy Resurrection Sunday to you, too.
DeleteWow. I truly believe that was Deanna talking to you. She knows how upset you are at her passing, and wanted to comfort you. People talk to us after they pass if we really listen.
ReplyDeleteIt would be like her to want to comfort me for sure.
DeleteI had a friend who died a couple of weeks after his 20th birthday. He was in the hospital waiting on a heart. I never went to see him in the hospital because I couldn't stand seeing him like that. He was a big dude (he was an outstanding football player on his way to the NFL). He went from 245 to less than 100 pounds. A couple of weeks before he died, they moved him from Little Rock, AR to Dallas, TX heart hospital. For his birthday, I sent him a card. His parents sat at his bedside and read him all the cards he received. Two weeks later, he died and I couldn't forgive myself for not going to see him while he was in the hospital. It bother me for a while. One day, I truly believe he came to me in my dream. In the dream, I was sitting on a porch talking to my cousin when he drove up. I ran to him and he hugged. The first thing I said to him was that I was sorry that I never came to see him in the hospital. He told that's ok and he understood why I didn't want to see him not looking like himself. Then he said he got my birthday card. We hugged and he got back in the car and left. I woke up. I instantly felt at peace.
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome. I love that you got that closure.
DeleteAfter my grandfather died I was devastated and eaten up with guilt because I had not been able to see him while he was in the hospital. I was afraid that he thought I forgot him, or that maybe he had even forgotten me. One night I had this "dream" where I was at my grandparents' house and I heard the back door open and then close. I went to the kitchen and there was my grandfather just inside the door. He took his hat off, just like always, and hung it on the hat rack. He hugged me tight, and I could smell his aftershave. He told me that he is okay, that he loves me very much, that he will never forget me. Then he said to take care of my grandmother for him. Then he was gone. I would say it was a dream, but it was unlike any dream I ever had. It was just different. When I woke up I immediately felt peace.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could describe how it was different from a dream, but I don't know how to describe it. It was just so real. I do think it was real, just like I do believe Deanna came to you too. There are things we just cannot explain or understand, and I think this falls in that category. I am so happy for you that you had this experience.
Karen
Me, too, Karen.
DeleteIn tears. Love this. Sometime I have dreams that seem so real, I always try to stay asleep a little longer so that feeling doesn't go away.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved.
Blessings~ Katie
I know! I keep hoping she'll turn up again every night. It was so good to see her.
DeleteI was at my desk at home working one day a few weeks ago and thinking real intently about Deanna. I got real sad and overwhelmed like I do most times. I started tearing up big time! I kid you not, the lights in the house flickered 3 times. I immediately stopped and just started smiling. I was wide awake though.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but I have been hesitant to even tell my hubby about that. Until now.
I sure do miss my friend.
-Renee