Dual diagnoses.

Whelp. I broke down and saw Emory Sports Medicine today about my 'flicted ankle. Yes. One full week of rest and still moderately 'flicted.

Sigh.

Here's a glimpse into my visit. (I mean, in case you were really wondering exactly what happened when I saw Ortho today.)

Orthopod: "So what'd you do?"

Me:  "I've been training for a half marathon. Running a lot. Increasing my mileage."

Orthopod:  "Hmm. Okay. Did you roll your ankle?"

Me:  "Nope."

Orthopod:  "Okay. How many days per week were you running?"

Me: "Like five."

Orthopod:  "Five?"

Me:  "Errrr. . . . five-ish."

Me:  "I started having pain after running some hills. Then I rested it for a few days and ran again. It hurt worse. Then I rested it for almost a whole week. And I got some shmancy shoes."

Orthopod:  "Were you still having pain after that week?"

Me: "Un poquito."

Orthopod: "Un poquito?"

Me: "Un poqui-tito. Which is even smaller."

Orthopod:  "Umm. . . okay. So you ran."

Me:  "Yup."

Orthopod:  "And now you're here."

Me:  "Claro que si."

Orthopod:  "Do you speak Spanish?"

Me:  "In my dreams, I do. Fluently, actually."

Orthopod:  "Excuse me?"

Me:  "Uhh, nevermind. So my ankle. What do you think?"

Orthopod:  "Just point tenderness when you run or bear weight? Right here on the lateral malleolus?"

Me: "Regrettably."

Orthopod: "Excuse me?"

Me:  "Yes."

Orthopod:  "Okay."  Starts manipulating foot every which-a-way. Has me jump (ouch!) and walk and stand on my tippy-toes. Pushes on outer ankle bone once more.

Me:  "Owie."

Orthopod:  "Owie?"

Me:  "I mean, that hurts."

Orthopod:  "You mean when I do this?"  Pushes again.

Me:  "Dude."

Orthopod:  "Oh, I'm sorry."

Me:  "So what's the deal? Is it serious or am I just, like, 'flicted?"

Orthopod:  "What was that last thing you said?"

Me:  "I said 'flicted."

Orthopod:  "I'm not sure I'm familiar with that term."

Me:  "I think that, as an Orthopedic surgeon, you should familiarize yourself with that term. Because I'm sure you see lots of folks that are 'flicted."

Orthopod:  "Did you say. . . 'flicted?"

Me:  "Yep. As in AF-flicted. But never say the 'A' part. Just say 'flicted."

Orthopod:  (laughs.)

Me:  "It's when something used to work but doesn't now. It isn't limited to humans either. Cars, computers, all sorts of things can be 'flicted."

Orthopod:  "Got it."

Me:  "So am I just 'flicted?"

Orthopod:  "Hmmm. I'm thinking this is a dual diagnosis. Everything put together suggests something that isn't ligamentous. It seems most consistent with a stress fracture or a tibial stress syndrome. Those can lead to stress fractures."

Me:  "So why the dual diagnosis?"

Orthopod:  "Also -- how did you say it? Afflicted?"

Me:  (laughing out loud)  "No! It's 'flicted."

Orthopod:  "Okay. So that and a stress fracture."

Me:  "Dang. Well that sucks."

Orthopod:  "Not completely. You can still cross train and things like that. But no running for 4 - 6 weeks."

Me:  "So no running for 4 whole weeks?"

Orthopod:  "To six."

Me:  "What if I feel good at 4 weeks and I'm no longer 'flicted?"

Orthopod:  "Then you can try a gentle run."

Me:  "Okay."

Orthopod: "What's that word again?"

Me:  "'flicted."

Orthopod:  "'flicted! Yes, that's it."

Me:  "Best when paired with 'old.' As in 'old and 'flicted'. But I don't think there's an ICD-9 code for it, though."

Orthopod:  "ICD-9 code? Hold up -- are you . . . a physician?"

Me:  *coughing*

Orthopod:  "You're a doctor?"

Me:  "Uhh, me? Yeah. But, like, not an orthopod like you."

Orthopod:  "Ha ha. . . Let me guess--you must be an internist."

Me:  "Huh? Why do you say that?"

Orthopod:  "Because you guys are the main ones that always call us 'orthopods.'"

Me:  "Oh. My bad. But it's because the whole 'orthoPEdics/PAEdics' spelling is confusing."

Orthopod:  "That's funny."

Me:  "What's up with that random, fancy 'A' in OrthopAEdics anyway? What's that all about?"

Orthopod:  (now with hand on the door)  "Ha ha . . . that's the British spelling, I suppose."

Me:  "Uuhhh, okay."

Orthopod:  "Four weeks for follow up."

Me:  "Gotcha."

Later in the hallway as I was exiting.

Resident:  "HEY!!! Dr. Manning!!! I haven't seen you in forever!!"

Orthopod:  "You know her?"

Resident:  "Do I know Dr. Manning? She taught me in medical school AND she was my program director during my first year!"

Orthopod:  (looks at me with eyes raised.) "You're faculty?"

Me: "Claro que si."

Resident:  "It's so good to see you Dr. M!"

((hug))

Me:  "You, too.  . . .hey, did I ever teach you what 'flicted means?"

Resident:  "Hmm . . . 'flicted? I don't think so."

Me:  "Okay. Well ask your attending here. He knows all about it."

Flashed a big smile.

*ting*

And with that, I chucked them a deuce and hobbled on out. Still wearing my heels.

Mmmm hmmm.

See? Isn't my life super exciting? What's up with y'all?

***
Happy Wednesday.