Spinning Wheels
Looking around all the places
Familiar spaces
Brings me back home to you
Cause love keeps on traveling
Keeps on traveling
Makes me feel like no matter how far
I'm still with you
So love
Will you try to slow down
I cannot keep up
With the speed of your sound
Cause this love keeps on
Break it down
Turn around
And depend on something that's new
Chase the miles that I'll drive
It'll eventually get me to you
I'll keep you locked up
So tight
In my pocket
Till you decide to slow down
I'll keep spinning wheels
Spinning wheels
Moving alone the weathers changing
My hearts rearranging
Every little doubt in my mind
Oh so I'm coming to find you
And nothing can stop me
I'm driven by this feeling inside
But love
Can you try to slow down
I can't keep up
With the speed of your sound
That this love will keep on
Break it down
Turn around
And depend on something that's new
Chase the miles that I'll drive
It'll eventually get me to you
I'll keep you locked up
So tight
In my pocket
Till you decide to slow down
I'll keep spinning wheels
Angel Taylor
It's terrible, really. To write something wondering as you're writing it what another person will think or how it will make them feel. Or if it will make them think or feel anything at all. You wonder this sometimes when you write things down that others read. At least I do.
It's true.
So yeah. This song got me thinking about that. I heard this morning like a song coming from my lips to my own writing. Weird, I know, but that's where I was when I heard it. Wondering sometimes if I'm just spinning wheels or being indulgent to use this forum, you know? Yes, that's the little voice, I know. But really, I'm just being honest. And so, I dialogue with myself and say "no, you do this for you" but then, lately, I've followed up with things like "but you're human, you are." Which is true. So that's where it sits now.
Does this even make sense? Probably not. See, this is when I go back to my writing mantra to shake these thoughts away. These thoughts of spinning wheels and questions on publicly sharing inside-my-head thoughts so liberally.
Yeah.
Like. . . . there are times when I just need to get the thoughts out. Some observation is swirling rapidly through my head and like some carpenter bee caught in a jar and I must let it out. Into the world and into some written form. And so I do and the pressure valve is released.
But then, there are times, many times, where it is more of a dialogue. Or rather, I'm hoping it could become one. One where I say my piece and then someone who has read it responds with their thoughts on the topic. No, not so much praise or anything, but just something that says, "You know? Here is what I felt when I read this. Or thought. Or was reminded of."
Some days I feel that more than ever. And it's so funny when I do that because it makes me annoyed with myself, wondering if I do this for all the wrong reasons. I sure hope I don't.
Yeah.
I'm rambling, I know. And I also know that I am terribly hypocritical in the fact that I am not so great about consistently chiming in on the rich and wonderful things I read that have been written by many of the gifted writers that I know. Part of that is because I read things in "chunks" as my time between work, play, love permits. So sometimes I'm LOL-ing or marveling at something somebody wrote last week. The comment feels a bit anti-climactic then.
But sometimes I read and just don't comment. Then I tell myself that they, unlike me, are caring far less about whether or not someone has something to say. Which is silly, right? Because the ones I love to read are almost always meant to be more multidirectional than unidirectional.
Okay. So I'll say it. I like knowing what people think. Not as much about me but about what they are reading and feeling and seeing. Feel free to gag here. Ha h ha.
But if that's not your thing, know that I still appreciate you reading when you get a "chunk" that allows for it. I really, truly do.
That's all I've got for this morning. And don't worry, I'm fine. It's just one of those mornings.
***
Happy Monday.
I am a fan of this woman and her singing. Very much so.
This post is so bloglife real and true. It's hard to keep writing without the sense of a community, which we get through comments. Unfortunately, I think i got more comments when I used to answer every one. But i can't do that all the time. Just arent that many hours in my day. Like you, I read and dont comment a lot, even though I am very moved by what I've read. Usually that happens when I am reading on my kindle and the keyboard on that thing is hard to type on. I always mean to come back and comment but then, yes, it's a week later and I assume it's too late. And yet. And yet I always welcome comments on week-old posts, especially (gonna be real here) posts about my children that got no comments. When I post about them (okay, I know, do I post about anything else?), and no one comments, I feel as if I'm writing about them too much, being tedious, and that's when I have to remind myself that I do this for me most of all, for my own record of what this day was like for me, for our family, in my heart. So I hear everything you're saying here. Please know it is never too late to leave me a comment, and I will adopt the same with you, even if I am reading in chunks a week later. And that post you put up yesterday, the only reason I haven't commented yet is I am saving it for a moment today when I can really read and savor it. I'll be back. I love you madly, grady woman.
ReplyDeleteNow you know? I was *this close* to emailing YOU directly about this when I started feeling all wonky like this instead of my pathetic little post. Why? Because I knew you'd understand. No. It wasn't some shameless plea to get comments but really just me processing or, rather, overprocessing.
DeleteYou get it. You always do. And I love your posts on your children. You already know that my favorite of all time was "In the City" from when you son came home from college after a spat with you. Have read it several times and loved each and every one.
I soooo enjoy reading your blog! It is 100% hilarious, 100% touching and 100% real! That makes you 100% awesome! Thank you for sharing. ~Millicent
ReplyDeleteHey Soror. I'm so glad we met in person because I imagine myself hugging you with a face in mind. I appreciate you.
DeleteDelurking under pressure! :) Just kidding about the pressure. Doc, I adore your blog. Your writing makes me think, makes me appreciate, makes me wonder, make me learn, makes me laugh, makes me cry (yeah, sometimes at work -- oh, well) ... just makes me FEEL. I hope you know your words, your sharing, your caring, your teaching and learning are all much, much appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Blessings on you and yours...
ReplyDeleteOh my. I've made you comment at gunpoint! LOL! Okay, but seriously--just want you to know that it's nice to "see" you. :)
DeleteYou know most people think of writing as work. But you make the time for this, despite your busy life, so obviously it is important to you and brings you joy. If it brings others joy, so much the better. I don't think that should be considered indulgent! Also in my own life, I find myself surrounded by (mostly male) people who seem to feel that communication in any form is a sign of weakness. In my writing, sometimes I find my best voice, one that isn't interrupted or derailed. And I have to remind myself that it isn't a sin or a weakness to let it be heard.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words, Kirsten. Thank you for your affirmations and for giving me things to ponder.
DeleteI love your blog. In fact, just last week at school I saw our guidance counselor and she had on a Delta shirt. I congratulated her on the 100 yrs mentioning that I knew that from a blog. She immediately said "Grady doc?" And then we talked about how much we love your blog, how sad we were about your sister, and how awesome she seemed from reading about her. We even talked about the posts that made us cry. So, there is an English teacher and GC in Colimbus, Ga that think this blog rocks!
ReplyDeleteNow that's way cool. Thank you for telling me that. Really and truly. And by the way, I love the parallels you draw to teaching in your comments. I notice and I love it.
DeleteThe need for validation is real and true and normal........I will do better, and I will begin to let my voice be heard here...by commenting, by thanking you, by that-a-girl-ing you, and whatever else your wonderful words move me to say, or do, or think, or feel, or just be!
ReplyDeleteYou, your stories,my our thoughts and your ideas are inspiring and I am thankful for this place!!
I hope you have had a marvelous Monday......and I'll see you back here, again!
Jackie
I'm just smiling now at how small this world can be. It was wonderful seeing your smiling face, pretty girl, and even better knowing you come here to read. Thank you, Jackie. Your as sweet and lovely as always remembered you.
DeleteThe teacher in me as well as my trace amounts of OCD, are forcing me to correct my work :-)
DeleteYou, your stories, your thoughts and your ideas are inspiring.........
You are enough. That being said-this here blog is a must read for me. A MUST READ. I have said it before and will repeat as needed.
ReplyDeleteXo,
Maria, fellow Meharrian
Your blog is so freggin awesome!!!!! I'm addicted and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Yep...I'm sure not. :) What a blessing you are to allow us to join you on this amazing journey we call life. Please don't pay attention to that little voice that makes you second guess your gift. Gurlllllll, you were born to do this!!!! :) This is your destiny and its a beautiful thing!
ReplyDeleteS Winston
Thank you, my friend. Your exuberance gave me a lift today!
DeleteI LOVE reading your blog but this is only the second time I have posted. I am the mom of many children,now mostly adults, that became part of our hearts through adoption; we still have an almost 13 yr old and have guardianship of our 15 month old grandson. I agree with everything that Dorthy, the 'delurker under pressure', wrote plus one other...because many of our children have ongoing medical needs we have met many doctors and have spent much time in hospitals. When I read your posts about the people you care for in the hospital I hope & pray the doctors who take care of my children care, understand and love them like you do your patients. The wonderful doctor you are makes a difference and is a shining example of how all doctors should be!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing yourself.
with Hope,
~ Chris A ~
Ha ha thank you for sharing your thoughts. Of course, I'm feeling rather bad for stomping my foot and causing y'all to delurk. Ha ha. But know that I do appreciate you and these words more than you know.
DeleteI think you are blogging for all the RIGHT reasons! You do it for your own pressure release, so you benefit from it; plus, we your readers benefit in our own lives, and the ways we benefit may be as individual as the people we are. I can speak for myself and say that I have often thought of a better way of handling certain situations, gained new perspectives, or just had a laugh by reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteKim, I have laughed with you and I have cried with you. I read several blogs, but yours is the only one I MUST read. I would even pay to read it if you put it behind a pay wall.
I don't have the way with words that you and other writers have, so usually I just don't comment. Sometimes I have to mull over what I have read and then later finish extracting some life lesson from it, and by then I don't come back and comment. Sometimes I read your blog on my phone in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, and I did try once to comment on my phone and it didn't work for some reason. So, there are many reasons why I haven't commented very much, but honestly it's laziness that is the biggest one. I'm rethinking all of this, because it really is selfish on my part to reap the benefit without giving you any feedback. I never even thought about it that way before either, so glad I have this new perspective. I will try to be better, and I do appreciate you so very much!
Karen
Thank you, Karen. No, it's not selfish. Please never think that. I am so honored that anyone reads this thing. I mean it.
DeleteI agree with Karen on the selfish part. I read and enjoy and then go on with my life. Sometimes though I think that I am more a voyeur and that to comment means that maybe I am intruding. Sounds completely stupid I know, and you wouldn't ask for comments or feedback if you didn't want it. So I will also do better, because your blog and coffee are a perfect part of many a days in my life! Thank you
ReplyDeleteBrittney
Never stop writing for you and for us, even if you think the words come out wrong, those of us that read your blog and "know" you, know your heart. You are an inspiration to me to keep slogging away at a book that I'm writing. I read two blogs, yours and Anne Lamott's, that is enough to make my cup overfloweth.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOh, lord. I read each and every word you write and often don't comment, but I hope you know that you've taught me so much, given me renewed hope in the medical profession and directed me toward some life-changing blogger friends! And I do love reading your funny, personal posts, most of all -- about your love for your children, your husband, your larger family -- it's all a pleasure.
ReplyDelete