Top Ten: Parental Guidance is suggested.

The older your kids get, the better the background noise gets in and around your home. My kids have been on a roll lately. Poopdeck (my dad) always says I should write these things down or record them so I won't forget them. I think he's right.

In fact, I wrote a little top ten about it! Like to hear it? Here it go!

THE TOP TEN FUNNY CONVERSATIONS OVERHEARD FROM OR HAD WITH MY KIDS IN THE PAST MONTH WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN--PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS SUGGESTED.

And away we go!

#10  Weight, weight--don't tell me.

Isaiah:  "I can climb higher in a tree than anyone I know."

Friend:  "I can climb as high as you."

Isaiah:  "No, you can't. I know for sure that you can't."

Friend:  "The only reason I can't is because my mom and dad always make me get down before I can climb higher than you."

Isaiah:  "No. It's because the higher you get, the smaller the branches are. So you can't go higher than me because the little branches would break."

Zachary:  "I don't know how to tell you this but. . . I think he's saying that because your belly. . . kind of a little bit. . .  has jelly." (Pats the friend's stomach for emphasis.)

#9  Anatomy Lesson.

Zachary:  "Well the reason I don't climb high in a tree because I think I might bust my head if I fell."

Isaiah:  "You would for sure."

Zachary:  "But not if I land on my feet like a cat."

Isaiah:  "People don't land on their feet like cats. They land on their heads."

Zachary:  "Not if they fell feet first."

Isaiah:  "You'd turn over and still bust your head because your head is like a bowling ball."

Zachary:  "A bowling ball?"

Isaiah:  "Yes. It's the heaviest thing on your whole, entire body don't you know."

Me:  "Unless, of course, your belly has lots of jelly."

Isaiah:  "Mom, a fat tummy still weighs less than a bowling ball."

Me:  "Aaaah, gotcha."

#8  Fist bump.

During Trick or Treat:

Isaiah:  "Thank you for the candy."

Lady:  "You're welcome!"

Isaiah:  "I see you have an Obama sign."

Lady:  "I do."

Isaiah:  "Are you going for Obama?"

Lady:  "I am."

Isaiah: "That's what I'm talkin' about."

(No, he didn't give her a fist bump, but I think he was pretty darn close.)

#7  New Math.

While doing homework while Auntie Deanna was over . . . .

Isaiah:  "Hey Mom?"

Me:  "Yes, sir?"

Isaiah:  "How do you make the number seven even?"

Me:  "Pardon?"

Isaiah:  "How do you make seven even, Mom?"

Me:  "Hmmm. Add one to it?"

Isaiah:  "What do you think, Auntie?"

Auntie:  "You can't make seven even. Nothing can divide seven or make it even."

Isaiah:  "I know a way to make seven even."

Auntie:  "Oh yeah? How's that?"

Isaiah:  "Take away the 's'."

Auntie and Me: 0_0

#6 -  Real talk.

Zachary:  "Mommy!"

Me:  "Yes!"

Zachary:  "Mommy! Why is your hair smashed down like that? I don't like it!"

Me:  "It got a little wet in the rain."

Zachary:  "Well, it looks a little bit not so good like that, Mom."

Me:  "Thanks for your honesty."

#5 - It is what it is.

During the debates. . .

Isaiah:  "I don't like this."

Me:  "Like what?"

Isaiah:  "How they aren't being polite and keep on talking over each other."

Me:  "I can see that."

Isaiah:  "They really should be ashamed of themselves."

#4  - More anatomy.

Epic Parental Fail. . . .

Zachary:  "Mommy? What is 'big tits?'"

Me:  "WHAAAATTTT?"

Zachary:  "Is it good for a girl to have this?"

Me:  "WHAAAAATTTTT???!!!!"

Zachary:  "My friend said that."

Me: "What friend said that? I don't want to hear you saying that!!!"

Zachary:  (whimpering) "Whaaat? Is it bad? Did I say something bad? I didn't know!"

Me:  "Don't say that word that starts with 't.' It's not a good word for you to say. Plus you don't even know what it is."

Zachary:  "It's what a mommy has on her chest but a daddy doesn't."

Me:  "Lawd, Jesus."

Isaiah:  "Zachary! The word for it does NOT start with a 't.' It starts with a 'b' and a mommy has them to feed their baby some milk!"

Me:  "Thank you, Isaiah."

Isaiah:  "Zachary, they're called boobs. . . ."

Me:   >_<

*(Sidebar: I told Poopdeck about this and he said, "You better be glad they weren't at Camp PaPa when they asked that question. . . .")

 #3  -- Quarterly evaluation.

Isaiah:  "You know what, Mom?"

Me:  "What's that?"

Isaiah:  "I just love you."

Me:  "I love you, too."

Isaiah:  "I think you do pretty good at all of this, Mom. Keep it up."

#2 -- Pro-activ.

Zachary:  "Whoa."

Me:  "What?"

Zachary:  "Whoa, you have a bump on your chin, Mama." (points grubby finger at my chin)

Me:  "Yeah. I know."

Isaiah:  "They call that a 'zit' right, Mom?"

Zachary:  "Ewww. Well I hope I don't have no zit on me when I grow up. Yecchh!"

Me:  0_0

#1

Isaiah:  "When I grow up, I want to be a husband and a dad."

Me:  "That's good."

Isaiah:  "And a business man. Like my dad."

Zachary:  "I'm going to be the police."

Isaiah:  "A police officer."

Zachary:  "No. THE POLICE."

Isaiah:  "Tell him, please, Mom."

Me:  "There's a rock and roll band called 'The Police.'"

Zachary:  "Yes! I want to be in a band called THE POLICE!"

Isaiah:  "Mom? Can he do that? Are you going to let him?"

Me:  "If it means he'll move out and not need me to pay bills for him."

Isaiah: "That's not fair. If he gets to be in a band then I'm going to do something fun, too."

Me:  "Uhhh, okay. As long as it's fun and you get a paycheck mailed to your own house."

Zachary:  "I changed my mind. I think I want to be a football player in the NFL."

Isaiah:  "So you can play football for your job?"

Zachary:  "Did you know? They make a lot of money. Even when they get old."

Isaiah:  "Because they can be a coach."

Zachary:  "They can be on a commercial and talk on the TV about the game, too."

Isaiah:  "Or they can be on the Playstation game."

Me:  "Hey, guys. . . what about being a doctor?"

Both:  "A doctor? NOOOOOOO!!!!!"

BONUS one:

Isaiah:  "What if I married somebody and she didn't like you, Mom?"

Me:  "That's a weird question. Were you thinking of getting married soon?"

Isaiah:  "No!"

Me: "That's good."

Isaiah:  "I was just thinking that it's good that you and Nana like each other and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa like each other."

Me: "That is good."

Zachary:  "Well I KNOW my wife is going to like you, Mommy!"

Me:  "Ha ha ha. . . how do you know that?"

Zachary:  "Because, dude, you're totally awesome."

Me:  "Thanks, but don't call me 'dude'."

Zachary:  "I meant to say 'Mommy'."

 ***
Happy Sunday. And please don't call DFACS on me.

On the mental iPod. . . a nice selection from THE POLICE -- Zachary tested and approved! Oh, and by approved, I mean that he turned the couch into a mosh pit while listening to this song. That's what I'm talking about! (He's back to wanting to be in THE POLICE.)