Banter.

Phone conversation yesterday between me and my med school classmate-friend The OB/Gyn while driving to work:

Her:  "So what's up with you these days? Are you on the inpatient service this month?"

Me:  "Nope. Just in clinic and teaching. Not bad at all."

Her:  "Hey Buddy. . . Do you know what's the only thing worse than seeing patients on the Internal Medicine inpatient service all day?"

Me:  "No, tell me, Buddy."

Her:  "Seeing Internal Medicine patients on the outpatient service all day."

Me:  "Ha ha. Very funny."

Her:  "Wait. That and teaching about Internal Medicine patients anywhere. I don't know how you do it, Buddy."

Me: "Hey Buddy. . . tell me--when you walk in a patient's room do you say, 'At your cervix?"

Her:  (laughing) "At your cervix? Wow. You are just so. . . .wow."

Me:  "Immature. You can say it."

Her:  (laughing)

Me:  "Helloooooo. . . .Dr. Lemon, here. At your cervix!" (still snorting from laughing)

Her:  "That's actually kind of funny, Bud."

Me:  "Thank ya very much! I'll be here all week!"

Her:  "Hey, here's a question--like. . . who do the Medicine people call when they need a Medicine consult because they don't know what the hell is going on?"

Me: "Oh, that's easy. We call Infectious Diseases." (immediately laugh at my own joke, but shaking my head because I know my ID friends would kill me for saying that ) "No chart scares them. Not a one."

Her:  "Aaah. Stealthy, my friend. I'll have to try that one."

Me:  "Shhh. Please don't tell my Infectious Disease friends I told you that."

*beeep*

Her: "Ugggh. Getting paged."

Me: "OB/Gyn is very page-y."

Her:  "That it is, Buddy."

Me:  "Hey. . .What's your day like today? Lunch maybe?"

Her:  "My morning is kind of tricky. I have a patient who's near complete and about to deliver this morning sometime and a couple of scheduled c-sections. That's all for the a.m . . . but then I have a fully overbooked clinic this afternoon. It's not looking too good for me, Buddy."

Me:  "Whoa. Sucks to be you."

Her:  "Ha ha ha. . . .  yeah, but I love it."

Me:  "Love that? Uhhh, okay."

Her: "Dr. Lemon. At your cervix."

Me: "See? You should totally say that. Totally."

Her:  "Immature. Yes, that was a good word for it."

Me:  "Hey Buddy. . . before you go--what's the only thing worse than sitting on a stool looking at lady parts all day?"

Her:  "What's that, smarty pants?" (already chuckling)

Me:  "Sitting on a stool looking at lady parts with giant babies coming out of them all day. Bleccch!"

(both of us laughing out loud)

Her:  "That or doing Internal Medicine. Bleccch!"

Me:  "Raincheck on the lunch?"

Her: "You bet."


Moral of this story? Having career choices is a beautiful thing. Having girlfriends is even beautiful-er.

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Here's my awesome friend The OB/Gyn Dr. Lemon with two of the products of her being at my. . . ah hem. . .service.

So glad you were, Buddy!

Snapped at one of our many lunch/breakfast dates! 

Disclaimer: Profesora in Pittsburgh, Super-Wendy, and S. Ray, please know that my Infectious Disease jokes are really just thinly veiled envy of how ridiculously smart you all must be to do what you do. Not. Even. Kidding. 

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Happy Wednesday.