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| oke-rees |
You know how I love the elders. Lord knows I do.
Sigh.
Today I was leaving Kroger and this sweet elderly gentleman in front of me in line commenced to strike up a conversation. The man was surely about to knock 90 down if he hadn't already and he definitely put some fear in my heart as he pulled out his car keys to approach his car. Because he was about to drive.
Mmmm hmmm.
I made the mistake of smiling at him too warmly because that opened up the floor for him to get his full, unfiltered and unabbreviated chit-chat on.
I wan't you to know: I am currently typing this while beheaded. Because that man TALKED. MY. HEAD. OFF.
Do you hear me?
I walked out toward my car at approximately 6 PM. And I just got home five minutes ago. For real. Okay, maybe I got home a little bit sooner than that but, for real, he was skipping from topic to topic like rocks on a lake.
Lawd.
"Do you eat oke-rees? I like your cross neck-a-lace. I see you got that Er-bama on your car. Are you in college? My son had double majors when he went to college. Is that a stick shift? Some folks can't even drive a stick shift. Do you drive stick shifts? Seem like prune juice don't work like it use-ta. Was your peaches sweet this season? I puts oke-rees in my black-eyed peas. You eat peas? What you put in 'em? I like a piece a salt pork. Seem like pork get a bad rap. You know they letcha buy wine on a Sunday now? That's a shame. I like your cross neck-a-lace. Why you got Er-bama on your car and a cross neck-a-lace? I saw two ladies in broad day light kissing on the mouth. You have children? My wife deceased but she liked H.W. Bush. I liked him okay. Seem like a damn shame to get some beer on a Sunday. This is Georgia, you know? I got a grandson in college. He real smart but otherwise he ain't no count. Did you know them oke-rees was on sale? Do you eat oke-rees? My son he'll eat anything but some oke-rees. Seem like it's getting dark already. Hey. . .what you think of that Er-bama anyway? He's alright with them girls kissing each other you know--smack dab on the mouth! And them was some pretty little ladies, too. Broad day light. Did you know that it's poisons in them fabric softener sheets you got there?"
LAWD.
He WOULD. NOT. STOP.
I. COULD. NOT. GET. AWAY.
Multiply that paragraph by seven hundred and you have the number of tangents he went on.
Seriously.
I love the elders. Lord knows I do. But this one. . . . sigh. . . bless his heart. WOW he was chatty. I feel so bad that I had to just finally walk away in the middle of his sentence. Literally. So terrible, I know.
What would y'all have done? I'm real scared that he still might be out there talking. . . .
I've known people like that. I think it's actually a neurological thing. There's some part of the brain that just doesn't tell them to stop. And you do just have to walk away. And that's okay- they're used to it.
ReplyDeleteBless his heart.
DeleteMs. M could well be right...if not that, maybe he was just old and lonely. Maybe the conversations he had at Kroger were the only social interactions he was going to have all day. I know an older lady who does the same thing to me...I stop by her house sometimes with a plate of cookies after I bake, and it is a good two hours before I can leave. I only get a few words in during that time! I know she is grateful that I take the time to listen to her (which is no sacrifice since she really is a very nice lady) and maybe you made the older gentleman from Kroger's day by listening to him too?
ReplyDeleteMama D. .. you know. . .I was thinking that for the first seven minutes of listening. Then I was like. . .dang. . .I got to get on home. But you're right. I think he was lonely. I think Sister Moon is right, too. Definitely seemed to be some kind of cognitive impairment going on.
DeleteIsn't this, like, an everyday occurrence while rounding on the medicine wards ? I kid.....I kid.....;-)
ReplyDeleteMaria, spoken like a true anesthesiologist, fellow Meharrian
Whoa! That's a kidney blow, Maria!
DeleteBut, yes, actually.
Ha.
Kimberly, fellow Meharrian
i think he was very lonely... i go to the senior citizens center once a month for my grief support group (hey i'm only 57) but i see people like him there every month. most have lost spouses, their children live elsewhere (or are too busy for them) and they've lost many friends to death. (i have not, yet)
ReplyDeletei've lost almost all of my family in the last 4 years (including my 34 year old daughter) and... i am surprised i'm not nuts.
i like okra, peas, not sure how i feel about cross necklaces right now although my daughter left me a massive collection. i can't bear to wear them.
did i talk as much as he did? lol.
But can you drive a stick shift? And how do you feel about girls kissing smack on the mouth in broad daylight?
DeleteLOL. . .
I don't know the answer to that one. It's happened a few times to me, but it is usually mentally challenged individuals in public places. It's a hard call because they aren't trying to be difficult, they are trying to be friendly. I mean, you do want to entertain angels, but that one is difficult.
ReplyDeleteI know. . .bless his heart!
DeleteI would likely still be standing there, for no other reason than I'm an obsessive people pleaser/rule follower.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. . .ha ha ha. . .
DeleteI read this entire post with a smile on my face...and literally just did a full on laugh out loud at the last sentence "I'm real scared that he still might be out there talking. . . ."
ReplyDelete...you have the best stories and you capture them so well with your words!
~Charisma
I didn't even tell you about how much of a close-talker he was. He was saying all that while standing so close to me that I could feel his eyelashes blinking on my face.
DeleteSeriously? Seriously.
Ack! You had me until the close talker! No!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat about the foamy spit gathering in the corners of his mouth as he spoke very, very, very, very, very close to me? Did I mention that he was very, very close to me? Oh, because if I didn't say that, he was very, very close to me.
Delete