Can't get this out of my head.

Did you see this last night?

This has been playing on my mental iPod (and my real iPod) ever since I woke up on the couch in the middle of this artist Frank Ocean's riveting SNL debut. Something about the whole thing. . .the falsetto, the lyrics, the  emotion in his voice just grabbed me. It shook me awake and made me pay attention. (Especially once I realized that it wasn't Billy Ocean on an old school throwback.)

Yes, I realize that the song is kind of popular. But I guess I didn't realize it was SNL popular. And  hearing him sing it live without too much going on in the background made me hear it differently. Or better yet, actually hear it.

It won't ever get old, not in my soul

Not in my spirit, keep it alive

We'll go down this road

'Til it turns from color to black and white

Or do you not think so far ahead?

'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever 

Or do you not think so far ahead? 

'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever 

When I first met Harry, after our first date I called my father and told him flat out:

"Daddy? I think I've met my husband." 

And I was right.

Man. Those words resonate with me. Harry and I sat in the sunroom talking about this song this morning over coffee. Sure, I had to endure at least thirty two counts of him squenching his eyes and singing the falsetto parts but I also got to hold his hand and tell him how much I love thinking far ahead with him.

And he said he feels the same way.

From that first date, I thought far, far ahead. Man. I still do. I see us as empty nesters and then grandparents. I see us as crotchety and cantankerous old liberals who type crazy comments on message boards. I see our lights off at 9pm and us dressing up to go to doctors' appointments. . . then coming home at three PM and telling the middle-schoolers who just got off of their buses to get off of our lawn. I see all of that. And I see all of the extraordinary and ordinary things in between.

That song is kind of haunting because that's a scary thing to do to yourself. Thinking far ahead, you know? Like what if something happens, right? That's what the little voice warns you in your ear. I've heard the Grady elders say a million times: "Man plans and God laughs" but I just want to ask them . . . how can you not help but think so far ahead when real, true love presents itself to you? 

You can't.

So me? I'll sign up for the vulnerability that comes with those daydreams. Because it also means you get the delight of waking up and realizing that the thing you crossed your fingers behind your back and hoped for came true. You didn't jinx it. It's real.

Does that make sense to you? Please say it does and please tell me someone else does this in their head.

Or do you not think so far ahead?

Okay. I'm going to bed before I make someone barf all over their computer. Ha ha ha . . . 

Yawn. Nighty night, y'all.

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