In the giftshop at Grady the other day:
Lady: "Hey there, doc!"
Me: "Hey there!"
Lady: "You doin' alright?"
Me: "Couldn't be better. You?"
Lady: "You look tired. Are you tired, doc?"
Me: "I have two young boys. That'll make you tired alright!"
Lady: "Naw. I mean you look for real tired. Like you could see it all up in here." (Waves her hand in front of her face and neck.)
Me: Ouch. "Uhhh, okay."
Polite smile next to the PowerBars. Then try to scoot away from her to the refrigerated beverages. She follows. Uggh.
Lady: "Do you use moisturizer?"
Me: "Huh? I mean, pardon?"
Lady: "On your face. At night. You should you know. Something nice and thick. And something for your pores."
Me: "Uh, okay."
Lady: "Are those freckles? Freckles really just mean sun damage. You got a lot of freckles."
Me: "I kind of like my freckles."
Lady: "But they sun damage. Did you know that?"
Me: 0_0
Lady: "They just little tiny age spots. Mmmm hmm."
Me: Seriously? Seriously. "What do you use for your skin?" (Which wasn't all that gorgeous if you ask me.)
Lady: "I like Esoterica. And I swear by regular petroleum jelly to get my make up off."
Me: "Seems like that would clog your pores. No?"
Lady: "Naw. It keep you moisturized real good."
Me: "Uuuhhh, okay."
Lady: "You know what keep your pores from looking all big?"
Me: "No. Tell me."
Lady: (looks side to side) "Quiet as it's kept. . . .pee from when you first get up."
Me: "Did you say pee?"
*Note: This is the point where I mentally hit the "record" button because this exchange was now officially blog-worthy.*
Lady: "Pee. I ain't lyin'. But it's got to be first thing when you get up. Jest pass a cotton ball under the stream, you know, and then just--"
Me: "Wait pee? As in. . . urine?"
Lady: (not even fazed) "Mmmm hmmm. Then you just put the cotton ball to your face and let it set on there while you do what you need to do. So it get all in your pores good. Then wash it off as the last thing you do."
Me: *just threw up in my mouth a little bit*
Lady: "That way, you know what I'm sayin', you won't be looking so tired."
Me: "You're saying that if I use pee as my astringent I won't look tired?"
Lady: "Yeah. But it's got to be first thang."
Not Kidding on what happened next:
Another lady: "Oh yeah, it work, too."
Me: "What works?"
Other lady: "What she was saying. Using the urine for your skin. My grandmama swore by it."
Me: 0_0
Other lady: "It's best if it's when you first wake up."
Lady: "See? Told you."
Other lady: "That or if it's from a little baby."
Lady: "Oh yeah. A baby. That's right."
A baby? What the. . .
Me: "Am I tripping or is it kind of gross to put urine on your face?"
Both ladies: *just look at each other and don't say anything*
Other lady: "It ain't gross if you want your skin to look nice."
Lady: "And if you don't want to look tired."
Touche.
Hand over heart. True story. I ain't lying.
The bright side of the story: At least they didn't start discussing mud facials. . . .
>_<
Errrrr . . . yeah.
Oh, and if any of you do this at home? Please. Don't tell me.
***
Happy Wednesday.
That is too funny! I am a consultant and work from home and I admit that sometimes when I am "working" or lunching, I turn on the TV to something mindless like Maury P - Who's your baby's daddy (that tells you boat loads about my classiness, huh?)... anyway I was watching Bizarre ER or some such show and a woman diagnosed with cancer decided to forego chemo and to treat herself by drinking her own urine -- multiple glasses a day! Now, learning this vital tip, I wish I'd paid closer attention to the condition of her skin. But maybe internal consumption is different than the cotton ball method :)
ReplyDeleteWho was the first person to decide to put pee on his/her face? Did he/she come across that on accident? Was he or she lost in the woods but wanted to look rested when he/she was discovered? Did he/she enjoy the clinical trials required to discover IT'S GOT TO BE FIRST THANG? This is one of those things like chitlins. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!
ReplyDeleteAmazing. Thanks for the laugh to start my day off right!!
ReplyDeleteWell, there is precedent for this. Go look up "urea" on Wikipedia and you'll see that life without that particular chemical would be very different.
ReplyDeleteBUT, yeah. There sure is an ick factor here.
And as a huge cynic about the beauty industry, I have to say that freshly made pee is probably about as effective as anything you could buy in a jar but I'd personally like something that smelled better.
Also- I don't think freckles are "just sun damage."
Where did that woman get her degree in dermatology, anyway?
OK so I googled it and sure enuf this is what some people use as an astringent! Of course it is sterile, right? Was used for treating wounds on the battlefield. But witch hazel doesn't cost much for skin treatment. My son teenage son uses it--witch hazel that is.
ReplyDeleteAnd now when Hubs does his weekly history viewing on the computer (to monitor the teenage sons) he will see a search for using human urine as an astringent and he will think the high schooler-- whom we take to the dermatologist regularly-- is nuts. I better fess up.
P.S. I read that in the past docs used to smell and taste urine sometimes to help diagnose.
PPS--I was dying over the mud facial sentence....
--Michele R.
I had to skim through all of your post after the first mention of pee, as I'm reading this while eating breakfast, and the thought of putting urine on your face voluntarily does not go well with yogurt.
ReplyDeleteSo you have apparently inspired multiple people to look up why people would want to put urine on their faces. Good work!
ReplyDeleteAlso, your "Leave your comment" line "tell me that you like it, yeah" is especially meaningful today, I think. :D
oh my lord in heaven. I def. just threw up in my mouth a little. >_<
ReplyDeleteNeeded a giggle! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAh, and apparently in some era, crocodile shit was a contraceptive as well. Lol-ed my way through this post. The only being in my house who won't mind this form of "beauty therapy" is my dog :) - Tara
ReplyDeleteHahaha. But yes, there are some moisturizers/skin care products that contain urea as an ingredient (not sure which brands, though). And about the freckle thing... I'm of Scottish extraction and have had freckles all my life. If they're sun damage it must have been incurred in the womb, LOL. My brother once tried to get rid of his freckles by scrubbing his face with Comet cleanser.
ReplyDeleteAhhhhh....keep it classy ladies....lol!
ReplyDeleteMaria, fellow Meharrian
From the deck of the Poop,
ReplyDeleteFirst, this is a hoot!! Now, assuming that it will work for men; will it work for old men? If so, since I go pee at least three time between 4:00 am and 6:00 am, which one should I consider "first thang"?
Anonymous Jo -- I am not so sure about the internal benefits of urine skin therapy. I'll have to do a lit search on that.
ReplyDeleteJameil -- Come on, you know old habits die hard. You know you want some tight pores!
Cathy -- How funny is that???
Sister Moon -- I know!! Why was she hating on my freckles!? And yes, urea is totally in those five trillion dollar skin products. . .
Michelle R. -- Real talk? Back in the day the doctor dipped his finger in the urine and tasted it to see if someone had diabetes. Not. Even. Kidding.
SD -- Ooohhh, sorry about that!
~ellen~ - I TOTALLY googled it. And guess what?? I also googled the "little baby" part and sure enough there was stuff about patting the baby's urine diaper on your face in the morning. 0_o
Mrs. Voci -- OMG, right?
Kate -- So glad you got a giggle. Hugs to Ella.
Tara -- No mud facials for you, right? LOL!
Sharon -- I am glad to know that her Dermatology assessment of my freckles was faulty. Thanks!
Maria -- The "other lady" actually had really nice skin. . ..0_0
Poopdeck -- If you are on a diuretic I think the skin properties are diminished. Sorry old man! LOL! ;)