DSW: DON'T SHOP WITH (little kids.)

Why I won't shop for me-shoes with my children ever again:

Isaiah:  "Did you have to bring us to the mall, Mom?"

Zachary: "Yeah, Mama. We don't like the mall!"

Me: "What? This isn't even the mall! It's DSW."

Isaiah:  "A shoe place for ladies is the mall, Mom."

Me:  "Or not."

Zachary:  "What about these shoes?"  (holding up a 12 inch purple stacked stiletto)

Me:  "Not really Mommy's style, Zachy."

Isaiah:  "My wife is never going to wear shoes like that!" (frowns at Zachary's selection.)

Me:  "Well, that's a relief to hear."

Isaiah:  "Or that."  (Points at the shoe in my hand.)

Zachary:  "How about this one, Mama?"  (Now holding a yellow rain boot.)

Me:  "I'm good on rain boots, but thanks bud."

Isaiah:  "What are you even looking for, Mom?"

Me:  "I'll know when I see them. . . oooohhh. . .hello pretty platform sandal!"

Isaiah: "Those look very weird, Mom. What's wrong with the shoes you're wearing?"

Me:  "Nothing at all. I'm a girl that likes shoes."

Isaiah:  "Do all girls like shoes?"

Me:  "This one does."

Isaiah: "I'm going to sit on this little seat right here until you finish."

Me: "That would be fantastic."

Zachary:  "Do you like this shoe right here, Mama?"  (holding up a very scary, ratty flip flop.)

Me: "Zachary! That's MY flip flop!"

Zachary:  "Oh."

Isaiah: "I think these chairs are for boys. They have them all over the whole store."

Me: "They're actually for the Mommies who want to try on shoes. See the mirror at the bottom?"

Isaiah: "Why would somebody make whole store with shoes only for girls? That isn't very nice."

Me:  "That's a matter of opinion."

Zachary: "Mama! You HAVE to like this one. I bet you Daddy would like this!" (Another scary stiletto.)

Me: "Most men would like that I bet."

Isaiah:  "Do you have a lot of other stuff to do at this mall?"

Me: "I told you--this isn't the mall."

*silence for a moment*

Isaiah:  "Mom?"

Me:  "Sir?"

Isaiah:  "We don't like the DSW either. Just so you know."

Zachary: "Hey does this mall even have a toy store?"


Shoes coveted and tried on:  Four
Varieties of suggestions from Zachary: Seventy-seven
Number of complaints from Isaiah:  Forty-three
Pairs of shoes purchased:  Zero.

This should have been a hint of what was to come.

***

Speaking of the Mall -- I can't stop watching this. (Y'all know how obsessed I am with flash mobs!)

***
And one more OMG moment:

Walking into Chili's today:

Me:  "Hustle up, gentlemen."

Zachary:  "Mama, I'll hold the door, okay?"

Me: "That's sweet, bud. Thanks."

A youngish lady and two men walk up behind us as Zachary is hoisting his entire body against the heavy door. Isaiah and I walk in side by side and Zachary promptly lets go of the door -- nearly flattening the lady's face like a pancake. Before I can speak, Isaiah scolds him.

Isaiah:  "Zachary! You're supposed to hold the door for her, too! She's a lady!"

Me:  "Ma'am, I'm sorry."

Lady:  "Oh no problem." (goodnatured chuckle)

Zachary:  "Sor-reee."

Lady:  "No problem, sweetie." (warm, fuzzy, patient smile)

Isaiah:  "She's having A BABY, Zachary! You could have slammed the DOOR on HER BABY!"

*silence*

I slowly turn around to look at the lady.

So. Not. Pregnant.

Ooophh!

Uuuuuhh. . . .yeah. Welcome to my so-called life outside of Grady.

***
Hope your day didn't involve malls, quasi-malls, or false accusations of pregnancy.