Top Ten: Over Forty.

My birthday coffee!

Today is officially the twentieth anniversary of my twenty-first birthday. Okay and let's be clear about one thing--I am saying it this way only because I find it slightly amusing to do so. NOT because I am one of those people who is freaked out about it. In fact--quite the contrary.

Today I bring you the TOP TEN THINGS THAT MAKE BEING OVER FORTY GREAT.

10.

You no longer have to worry about turning forty. Especially when you're over forty. You've finally gotten used to telling people that you are forty by the time you turn forty-something which is pretty damn relaxing.

So in other words, not only are you over forty--by this point you're over forty, too. Let the church say amen!

9.

You aren't as broke as you were in your twenties. Well. You are, but it's a different kind of broke than that twenties-kind of broke.

8.

You have fully accepted that you are not in your twenties, therefore all of your points of reference change. Like, some folks in their thirties are still in denial about clothing, appropriate behaviors, etc. But, see, by the time you are over forty, you realize that there exists an ENTIRE generation of ADULTS who are younger than you and who have no idea what you are talking about with your pop culture references. So saying words like "foxy" and "sassy" and "sharp" work. And this is when people start having that nervous chuckle when you use too many "young" words like "OMG" and "BFF." This helps you to move on along to acting your damn age.

And that age is "grown."

7.

Although many of you thirty and twenty-somethings have the nerve to refer to yourselves as "grown," you are the only ones who think that. By the time you get to your forties, your grown-ness is no longer disputed.

Now.

This can be problematic for those living on couches or in Mama'nem's basements. It is glorious for those with lifestyles/life choices that Mama'nems don't approve of. Because, see, when you reach "grown" there is something about you and your choices that become not only your problem, but also your business. This, I like.

6.

Your goal for body image shifts from young Britney Spears to post-partum Britney Spears. Yes. Britney looks good these days. But no. She does not look like she looked when she was on the VMAs singing "I'm a Slave for You." That said, I could live with this version below. I sure could.

Oh and what's beautiful? Your man can live with it, too. It's lovely, I tell you.

5.

You get to tell somebody "because I said so, that's why!"

4.

Your friends have gray hair coming in, too. If you have premature gray that you color (like moi) you've been waiting for this moment. Now you can sit around and discuss semi-permanent versus permanent color and also when you plan to "hell, just let it go." You also talk about things like mummy-tummy woes after babies and whether or not you would be willing to let somebody aim a syringe and needle at your forehead if it meant less frown lines. You also discuss things like dammit, I'm not getting my tubes tied because, dammit, it's his turn to get something tied or snipped or fried. See? The conversations are just gnarly, I tell you.

3.

If you're lucky, you have a career. Not just a job. If you're lucky.

2.

You don't freak out when someone calls you "ma'am." (This precedes the age where you kick someone's ass for not calling you "ma'am.")

1.

You get to act all surprised and flattered when someone tells you that you CAN'T POSSIBLY be in your forties.

"Happy birthday, ma'am!"

"Thanks! The big four one!"

"Forty ONE? SHUT UP!!!"

"Yep. Born in 1970!"

"You don't look a DAY over thirty-nine!!!"

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Happy Wednesday!

Thought I'd share my segment from FOX 5 today. . . not bad for a foxy forty-one year-old!

Housecall: Sjogren's Syndrome: MyFoxATLANTA.com