T.G.O.F. (The Gradys on Friday.)

Random sampling of stuff I heard and said today at Grady:

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"How you doing today, sir?"

"Me? Awww, baby, I'm easy like Sunday mornin'. . ."

(If you don't know nothin' 'bout that--peep this jam from the Commodores circa the 1970s.)



***

Me:  "Hey there. Just coming by to check on you again."

My patient:  "Ooooh!"

Me:  "What?"

My patient:  "I 'in't knew you had all that gray in yo' hair!"

Me:  "Yeah. I got a hair cut so you can really tell since I'm due for color."

My patient:  "Ooo, Jesus, doc. When you gon' get it colored, baby?"

My stylist insists that I'm five years away from this.

***

Patient:  "Do y'all think this is cancer?"

Intern:  "That's a good question. What we can say is this: The scan looks concerning for something like cancer. But the only way to know is to get a sample of it."

Patient:  "You mean a biopsy?"

Intern:  "Yes, ma'am."

Patient:  "Well, go on then and let's find that out. And listen to me and you listen good--if it's something real bad, I don't won't nothin', do you hear me? Nothin'." 

Me:  "We promise to let you know what the biopsy shows the minute we get it. Then you can talk things over with your family to see what you all think is--"

Patient:  "My family?  No! This is MY BODY. I will make decisions about MY BODY. My family? They love me and they gon' want everythang no matter what. And this?  This MY BODY. And don't nobody need to talk nothin' over with me about MY BODY."


Silence.

Patient:  "Do I make myself clear?"

***

An environmental services worker walks by after cleaning the area. She smiles and says hello as she passes our rounding team.

Me:  "Hey--is that money pinned on your shirt because it's your birthday?"

Lady:  "Yes!"

Me:  "Awww!  Wait a minute--"  (pinning a dollar onto her uniform) "--there you go!"

Lady:  "Thanks!"

Med Student:  "How old are you today?"

Lady:  "Twenty one!"

Team in unison:  "Happy birthday!"

***

Student:  ". . .and that's our plan for her."

Me:  "Would you like some feedback on your presentation?"

Student:  "Yes!"

Me:  "Pulak, my dear, you sound like an intern. That's my feedback. You sound exactly like you are already an intern."

Student:  (big grin) **ting!**


***

 Patient transporter:  "You got kids, right Dr. Kim?"

Me: "Yep."

Patient transporter:  "Yeah, I figured 'cause you got little bit of that mummy-tummy like me."

Dayum.

***
"Standing in a patient's room talking to him and his family. Dinner trays are being passed.

"What's in there?"

I open the tray.  "Broth."

"Broth and what else?"

"Jello."

"It ain't no steak in there?"

"Nope. Just broth and Jello."

Pauses for a minute. Then does the old school Florida Evans move from Good Times. 

"Daaaaamn! Daaaamn! Daaaaaaaaamn!"

Hilarious, do you hear me?

*(Note:  All black people between the ages of twenty-five and fifty-five hear this and know exactly the moment and the scene from Good Times when this took place. If they don't, they automatically deemed imposters.)



***

Nurse:  "He seems confused today."

Me:  "He can't be confused."

Nurse: (looks at me puzzled)

Me:  "He told me I was lookin' slim and trim today."

Nurse:  "Aaaaah."

Me:  "So clearly he can't be confused."

Nurse:  "Clearly."

***
 
T.G.O.F. and T.G.I.F. to all. :)