You name it.

"That's two z's and two e's, ma'am."

Okay. So if you work in a hospital, suffice it to say that you meet some pretty interesting people. And work there long enough and most certainly you'll run across some interesting names belonging to some of these interesting people.

Now.

While some are urban legend like the alleged mother who named her twins "O-ran-jello" and "Le-Mon-jello" because of what she received on her tray, there are absolutely some names that I can sho' nuff attest to as the truth. Some, like "Candida" (pronounced Can-deeed-a) or "Klamydia"(pronounced phonetically) were assigned by well meaning parents who simply didn't have the medical background to know that the name was synonymous with the kind of infection that could eventually land the young woman of the same name in stirrups. But then, there are the others. The ones that you can only shake your head at and say, "Why Lawd?" Like, when I was a resident, this sixteen year old girl who I met in the nursery who named her triplets "Hennessey", "Courvoisier", and "Remy."  (I will never forget the child saying, "Courvoisier sound so distinguished, don't it?") Ummm, yeah.

Anywho.

While I'm the first to admit that some of the most. . .uhh. . creative. . .names I've seen have belonged to--yes, I can admit it--my own people, I can definitely say that I have seen my fair share of doozies assigned to folks of other races.  One of my all time favorites is the little boy whose parents let his three year old sibling name him "Mister Cowboy." Another winner was the teen couple who named their twin boys "Buddy" and "Partner."  Ummm, yeah.  Then there's these crazy Hollywood names that have gone viral like "Apple" and "Zuma."  So. . . I can definitely say the . . .uhhh. . .creative. . .name thing crosses race and cultural lines.

However.

In the spirit of Black History Month, and as a person who has worked in hospitals for close to twenty years, I will admit what you all know is true: That my people take the name game to a whole 'nother level.

Now.

Before you go a-judging or tsk-tsk-tsking, let me just point out a few things.  While surely it might hinder one's potential to be the President of the whole United States with a distinguished name like "Courvoisier Alize Cole", history has definitely shown us that some of the biggest whoppers dished to my people have been overcome.

Such as.

Condoleezza. Two e's? Two z's? Really?  Oprah.  Yes, you bible readers--Mr. Winfrey meant to name her "Or-pah""-- as in, that chick who ditched Naomi after two quick hugs, leaving good ol' Ruth to pick up chafe and support mama-in-law all by her self. The legend is that her birth certificate actually says "Orpah"--but since everyone kept butchering its pronunciation, it became simply "Oprah." (It looks like it kind of worked out for her.)

But, I digress.

The whole  . . . .uhhh. . .creative. . .name thing has been going on for a long time, too.  Like, I'm sure that "Crispus" Attucks mother was savvy and well-meaning,  just like "Booker Taliaferro Washington's" mama was.  See?  It didn't start with Condie or Oprah.

Nor did it end there.

I bring you, exhibit A:  The Draper Brothers.

 

Yes, my friends. These afro-wearing, crocheted-hat donning, fly collar-rocking dudes happen to be my father and his brothers.  Seven dapper dudes, if I do say so myself--and seven dudes belonging to a family of . . . uhhh. . .creative. . .names. 

These are their sho' nuff God and Mama/Daddy given names. Birth certificates to prove it.

(Back row, l to r)  Dad--William Ralph Draper a.k.a. "Tony."  (Why "Tony?" Who knows. . .), Hiawatha Draper a.k.a. "Skeeter", Edsel Ford Draper a.k.a. "Chief" or "Wolf-man", Ponce de Leon Draper (who needs a nick name with a winner like that?) 

(Front row, l to r)  Donald Draper (blanking on middle name) a.k.a. "Boot", Woodrow Wilson Draper a.k.a. "Woody", and Bernard Jerome a.k.a. "Buh-nard" (since his Dad wanted him named Bernard) or just "Jerome" (since his Mom wanted him named Jerome.) 

Seeing as Jerome was the youngest, we all believe that this is the only reason he escaped being named after a historical figure or renamed as something having little to do with whatever that name was. Woodrow Wilson wasn't so lucky.

What can I say? We're a creative people! (Besides, what else would explain the song that got Cee-Lo Green the Lady Killer nominated for a Grammy this year?) Now, I'm not saying that I believe in full on carte blanche when  it comes to naming children, but what I do know for sure is that a lot of the folks attached to such names manage to do okay. . . . .as well as those related to them. Clearly this is the case considering how normal I turned out!  (Ha.)

Happy Black History Month!